…or, Iason Chasin’
Professor Bryony had me carry a large reinforced cardboard box out the back of the building and down a dirt path towards the edge of the trees. She wasn’t just making excuses to give me a hard time. Thing had to weigh more than she did.
If I hadn’t been heading to her next class anyway, she probably could have picked a better person to be her little helper. I’m not exactly a ninety-eight pound weakling, but I’m not exactly a barbarian with rippling muscles, either.
“That shack right there, that’s our meeting point,” she said, pointing to a lean-to log cabin to the side of the path. “Let me just run up and get the door unlocked.”
She padded ahead, opening the door with an iron key on a large ring. Evidently this shack had been built or at least modified for her purposes; the lock and knob were set low enough for her to use.
“Just set that anywhere,” she said. “Carefully, though!”
“What’s in it?” I asked, setting it down gently. There was an earthy smell, and it made muffled clinking sounds when I set it on the loose floorboards.
“Just my gifts for the class. You’re lucky it’s not a larger one,” she said, studying a clipboard. “Most people take this during the summer session, to avoid mucking about in the snow. Though, of course, it’s a completely different class depending on the time of year. I’ve tried to convince the dean to split it into three separate courses so that students could take each one and get credit, but there’s some budgeting reason that won’t work.”
“You know, I hadn’t actually figured on the snow,” I said.
“Oh, an hour of cold never killed anybody,” she said. “The key is to keep moving. We’ve had more close calls in the summer class, with the thunder and wind, than we’ve ever had in the winter time.” She picked up a large white sheet and handed it to me. “Be a good lad and tack this up outside, won’t you? They never seem to find the place without it.”
It turned out to be a banner which said “Field Herbalism Here”, in messy red block letters. The rest of the class began to arrive shortly after I’d hung it.
The first was a tall, long-legged girl with a crossbow on her back. She had the sort of lean build that often gets taken as a sign of elven ancestry, but as far as I could tell she was pure human. It was hard for elfbloods to get that kind of height. She poked her head through the door a little timidly.
“Where’s the teacher?” she asked.
“Right here,” Bryony said. “Name?”
“Matilda,” the girl said. “Mattie. Douglas.”
“Welcome aboard, Ms. Douglas,” the professor said, extending her hand upwards.
The next person to arrive, to my surprise, was Kira.
“Glad you could make it, Miss Kira!”
“Ms. Andrews,” Kira corrected her, with a demure smile.
I wasn’t the only one who thought so, apparently.
The other students arrived one at a time. In order, they were a short blonde girl named Carol Stevens, a spiky-haired boy named Thomas Zachary, an elf boy named Iason, a really drop-dead gorgeous platinum blonde girl called Hannah Collins, and a plain brunette named Sarah Miles.
Iason looked like he might have had one half-elf parent. At the very least, he was unusually buff for a full-blood. He wore his hair neat and short, parted on the left. It was longer in the back, cut into a sharp point. He started giving me the eye in a very obvious way almost as soon as he arrived.
I thought Thomas might have been, too, but less obviously.
There weren’t a lot of rippling-muscled barbarians in herbalism classes. Considering that field herbalism had a higher challenge rating than even some combat classes, though, I didn’t think it was a completely unmanly subject.
“Well, that’s everybody,” the professor said, after she’d greeted Sarah and shook her hand. “Mr. Bowman, if you’d open the box, please, and hand the contents around.”
I did, and it turned out to contain eight flowerpots with Argenti violets in them. I pulled them out one at a time and handed each person a pot, which they accepted, mostly with awkwardness.
“These are my gift for the class,” the professor explained. “One for each of you. A little bit of color for your rooms. You can leave them here in the shed along with your book bags and things, and pick them up after class. We’ll be doing a bit of hiking today. Our goal will be to familiarize ourselves with the area we’ll be doing most of our work in. We won’t be meeting here by the forest every day, though. I’ll let you know when you need to show up someplace else. There will also be some extra credit opportunities, for anybody who doesn’t mind going out at night, as some plants can’t be acquired properly any other time.
“There are just a few safety rules we need to observe when we go into the forest. The first and most important is to remember that we are guests. That’s not actually a safety rule, exactly, but if you remember that, you’ll have a better chance of remembering the others. Most of these rules will apply more later, when you start to split up and do things on your own. When we’re moving as a class, the rule is stay on the path when we’re on the path, and if we go off, make sure to keep me in sight. If you’re not sure if I’m in sight or not, ask.
“For the rest of the time: keep your weapon handy, but don’t be too quick to pull it out. You’ll want to be ready to defend yourself, but you’ll also want to remember that your classmates may be creeping around on the other side of a tree from you. Don’t eat or even taste anything that hasn’t been positively identified, and since this is a one hundred level course, I’ll add a ‘by me’ to that. If anybody or anything tells you that you’re trespassing, or words to that effect, you need to apologize, politely excuse yourself, and start walking back towards West Campus. If you’re not sure which way that is, ask respectfully.”
“What do you mean, ‘or anything’?” Sarah asked.
“I mean anything,” she said. “Elves, giant owls, stags, trees. Chances are, anything that pipes up to tell you that you’re on its land will have either the legal authority or the ability to kick you off it, and there’s no guarantee that’s all it’ll do. So, don’t ask questions and don’t argue. Just be nice and respectful, and go. Some of you might learn where the elven hall is before the semester’s over, but you don’t want to go looking for it. They haven’t killed a trespasser yet, but they’re uncommonly good at putting arrows through parts that’ll keep until you get to the healing center.
“Now, the rest of the rules: if any folk about my size or shorter tries to offer you food, politely decline. If they ask for food and you have some, share. The entire forest is officially a no-smoking area, but if you see me pull out my pipe, that means it’s okay. Now, today you don’t need to bring anything. Most days, you’ll need to bring your satchels and the required tools, as well a pad and something to write and sketch with.”
She pulled some sheets out from behind the class roster on her clipboard and passed them around. They were maps of West Campus, showing the path that ran past the shack. It split into a large loop a short ways into the forest. Other paths branched off from it, but most of them seemed to disappear before too long.
“This is the main path,” she said. “You’ll see the smaller paths that connect to it. They aren’t mapped in full because you don’t want to rely on maps too much once you’re off the main path. We’ll just be walking a circuit of the main path today. I’ll point out a few sights of interest.”
Despite the length of her stride, Bryony set a brisk pace for the group as we headed down the first leg of the path. The ground sloped away to the west, which gave it the feeling of a descent into a cave, particularly as the branches overhead grew close together. The leaves had only started to turn colors.
“If you’ll take a look to your left, you’ll notice moss growing on the north sides of the trees,” the professor said as we hiked along. “If you take a look to your right, you’ll notice it growing on the south side of them. Important lesson: in the forest, where there’s no sun to tell it otherwise, moss grows wherever it feels like. Don’t rely on it to navigate. Now, if you’re out in the open and you come across a tree with moss growing on the south side, you might want to stop and collect some of it. That’s contrary moss, and if you can get it to work for you, it’s a good way of reversing the effects of other ingredients.”
Though he was hanging at the back of the group, Iason’s voice found me near the front. Full-blooded elves had magic in their voices, and that was one of the things they could do with it.
“You have a nice ass,” he whispered. He had a slight accent.
I didn’t have any way of responding to that—on a couple of different levels—so I ignored it for the time being.
On the one hand, Marlot was right and an opportunity was an opportunity. On the other hand, I’d never had a shortage of opportunities with guys like Iason. I didn’t have any regrets about how I spent my summers, but they had always been a separate deal from the rest of my life. Now that I was at college, living in a co-ed dorm and with at least one girl interested in me, I really didn’t know how to feel about an elf boy hitting on me.
Professor Bryony kept up the pace, and pointed out side paths that would lead into deeper woods or into clearings. There were a couple of places where wooden bridges crossed streams or ditches, and she mentioned the different herbs and fungi that could be found by the water or in the shadows.
She didn’t go into too many specifics, because we were covering so much ground. Hannah and Sarah both required frequent reassurances that they weren’t expected to remember everything she pointed out once, and they wouldn’t be tested on it. Iason and Thomas lagged at the back, whispering. Thomas seemed a little giggly. Kira was very quiet, and seemed to be taking everything in. We didn’t see any wildlife more interesting than birds and squirrels.
Despite the instructor’s best efforts, the class period was already over by a good fifteen minutes when we finally looped back around and made it back to the shed.
“Sorry, folks,” she said, chagrined. “I keep telling them this class needs to be at least an hour and a half, but they never listen. I hope none of you have anything to be late for, this close to lunch time. On Wednesday, we’re going to meet in front of the shack and then head straight in to the first clearing and get right to it. Don’t forget your violets!”
Knowing that I was already late for meeting the others and had quite a bit of campus to cross, I didn’t stick around after Bryony dismissed us. I can move pretty well when I have to, but Iason caught up with me before I reached the pedestrian bridge.
“I like your ass,” he said.
“Uh, thanks,” I said. I had to slow down to say this. I couldn’t do the elven stride thing and take a breath to talk at the same time. “I’m fond of it, too.”
“What are you doing now?”
“I’m meeting my friends for lunch,” I said.
“Want to blow them off?” he asked.
“Not even a little bit.”
“Not interested?” he asked. He was giving me a sly, sideways grin that I think said he suspected that I had at least some inclination.
“Not just now, no,” I said. “Sorry.”
He sighed dramatically.
“Ah, well, there’s a long semester ahead of us,” he said. “I’m sure there will be other opportunities.”
“Can I ask you a question?” I asked.
“Certainly.”
“Why me?”
“You aren’t all gross, like most humans,” he said. “And I bet Zach five silver I could have your ass before he does.”
“Zach?”
“Mr. Zachary,” he said. “We were talking about you during the hike. He finds you attractive, as well.”
“Wonderful,” I said.
“You don’t like the attention?”
“I’m actually hoping to get a girlfriend,” I said. “Or at least, get some girls.”
“I’m not looking for a relationship,” Iason said. “I couldn’t say, about Zach.”
“I just don’t want to be pigeonholed,” I said.
Iason grinned.
“I’ve never heard it called that,” he said.
“I’ve really got to get going,” I said.
“Promise me something?”
“I really don’t think that I can.”
“I was just going to ask that you do not give in to Zach, either,” he said. “I would hate to be out five silver. Of course, I’d prefer to be up five silver. If you let me win, I’ll buy you dinner out of the proceeds.”
“I’m not looking for a boyfriend, Iason.”
“Just dinner,” he said. “You don’t like to eat?”
“I do,” I said. “And right now, I’m late for lunch.”
“I’ll see you on Wednesday.”
Mook! Wow, having two MU stories is just too awesome. I think I’m going to explode. Also @The Other Dave #22 Did somebody say Xanth? Ah Xanth…how I miss you. I haven’t read any of the books in months. Drat. Now you’ve reminded me of how much I dislike it here in Mundania. But it’s always good to see another Xanth fan!
Re: story
…theres an elven hall on campus!? Everything else i want to say has already been said
Re: prostitution discussion
I’ve met a person who quite litteraly, referes to every woman as a prostitute. His logic being based on the fact that the guy is “supposed” to buy the girl dinner etc. While this can cause hilarity at time, its really infuriating. (hillarity occuring after a night of someone drinking and then being told “I saw you go home with that prostitute last night” and watching the resulting freak out) I disagree on his definition btw. -_-
also, when i hear prostitute i think druggie/despirate. i dont know if that conotation is unique to me, but I’ve tended to hear most higher class/expensive prostitutes tend to be refered to as escorts…
and just for the record, i cant spell! forgive me
@44, Andy
> I don’t think Jamie’s gonna sleep with any elves for a bit.
*snickers* I do not think that Iason intended there to be a lot of sleeping involved …
> He seems very comfortable with (and possibly even attracted
> to) males, but I don’t think they’re his first choice.
I am inclined to think that he compartimentalises (is that really a word?) well. When with the elves, do as the elves do (i.e. have lots of wild monkey buttsex). When with the humans have a lot of weird hangups about sex…
Eri
Regarding the question posed by The Cloaked Stranger regarding prostitution …
Welcome to the minefield women are often expected to wander through.
(and to those who claim that sex is not a payment for dating, when I was still dating I was fully aware that the guy taking me to dinner or who plied me with drinks was not doing so out of the goodness of his heart, but in the hopes of a very specific kind of ‘reward’. They simply were not so crass (and stupid) to tell me).
And no, I am not going to answer your question since its premise is wrong and thus the question itself is meaningless.
Eri
(I tried to answer before but somehow I kept getting the message that I already had sent in that same reply before. I hope this one gets through)
Don’t kill me, but this field herbalism reminds me of Harry Potter… Hagrid taking them into the Forbidden Forest, Professor Sprout teaching herbology (wasnt she short, too?)
@Minkis:
Strangely, you’re not the first person to say that, and I have to say: I really don’t see the resemblance, with regards to herbalism vs. herbology.
Other than both being classes that are ostensibly about herbs, I can’t say I see the resemblance between Professor Bryony going on for a paragraph about the noble dandelion and Professor Sprout lecturing about venomous tentaculas. Rowling’s herbology is about students wrestling with comically exaggerated monster plants, not cataloguing dried plants according to their folkloric uses.
The forbidden forest, on the other hand? There’s some rather obvious similarities there, but it’s not because I’m basing things off Harry Potter’s example. There are just certain common recurring motifs in fantasy and fairy tales. I like the classics, as far as enchanted woods go.
@annoying: Yeah, the idea of an entire race with white hair and red eyes (except for the super rare, purple-eyed rebels who now make up 90% of the population) struck me as being fantastically boring.
man, i lurv the MOARMU. this gives us a wonderful view on the other classes and portions of the campus, as well as races that aren’t in Mack’s little group. strange how Bowman keeps saying that Celia is male, though…
Okay, I don’t like Iason.(the character, not the commenter) He’s one of “those guys”. Guys that think if they keep bothering and asking and rationalizing, etc, they’ll get their intended conquest(and thats usually what they see them as) to yield to sex. I understand that sex is not that big of a deal in the elven community, but still, he’s being a jerk and should back the hell off. I’ve never had to deal with it, but I’ve had female friends that have had to, and I’ve wanted to punch the guy in the face every time.
@19 Altima: I don’t think his screening for elves is that weird. He’s part-elf and away from any place human or elven that he can call home for the first time, so it makes sense for him to look for other people that have that in common with him. Certainly easier than knowing people like Lance, with his most enlightening thoughts on “cross-breeding”.
And the guy can’t help what he likes, looks-wise.
@ the whole prostitution question:
I tried to buy dinner for a lady once (mainly because she didn’t particularly want dinner but I felt odd eating in front of her) which she didn’t like as she’d then ‘owe’ me sex. This struck me as odd. Nothing against a favor returned in kind, or, if you’re hard up, a thankyou, but anything else is uncomfortably close to prostitution. I might want to have sex with you but I’d rather you did because you wanted to have sex with me, not because I give you money (or some equally-valuable commodity like food).
Maybe other males see it some other way but then why are you going out with them?
Oh, and if it is with romantic intent that I’m buying you dinner, didn’t you pay for that by going on this date? She agreed to go on a date with me. Don’t I owe her something for that?
And apparently I’ve forgotten how to switch off italics. Was that it?
Bit rehtorical, that one.
Aha! So Jamie did have hot sweaty awkward teenage sex with an anal elven prince! Kheez. I was sort of hoping Jamie would be more open about himself, and I know that his summers in Happy Elven Anal Land ‘had always been a separate deal from the rest of his life’, but kosh, I’m so disappointed. He’s not even homophobic and he won’t tell his friends about… well… I guess I could understand not telling Marlot. Still… =/ Hope he tells someone soon. I really want to hear about this.
Lapin: Well, there’s this thing called attraction, and maybe sometimes guys think they love/like a girl because she makes him hard as a boulder. Or, they’re just scumbags.
You have a good point in that last paragraph, though. The girl’s company should be enough to sastify the guy because that’s why people go on dates in the first place.
If this post sounds awkward, depression’s been screwing with my brain.
*because that’s why people go on dates in the first place.- I meant, that’s what dates are supposed to be for. To enjoy each other’s company.
I was actually half expecting a half giant named Hagrid to jump out from behind some trees and shout “Boo!” or something during their short walk.
This offshoot of MU started slow but its beginning to show signs of picking up. I like very much.
The woods are full of shining eyes,
The woods are full of creeping feet,
The woods are full of tiny cries:
You must not go to the wood at night..
– Henry Treece The Magic Wood
@Erianaiel: I don’t think The Cloaked Stranger ever said – or even implied – that prostitution is morally wrong, as you seem to think he did. He simply asked if being bought dinner in exchange for sex would be considered prostituting oneself.
Also, your assumption about dating is flawed. Just because someone expected sex from you on a date does not mean that all men expect sex from all women on all dates; not all men expect sex after a date. And even if they did, the woman is not obligated to have sex with him as a form of payment. See comment 31.
So this whole updated “daily Monday through Friday” seems to be excluding Thursdays, huh?
Good work so far, though. Hopefully Jamie came wearing his mithril bikini briefs.
Thursday’s not over yet. I’m just catching up on a few necessary things.
@58 Drake Remeber that Celia has no breasts, no hair, and probably straight hips, and I’m fairly certain no make-up. She has none of the gross physical characteristics he uses to determine gender, and, unlike with the kobolds, he apparently doesn’t know enough about naga-kin to even wonder. With the kobolds he at least realized that he didn’t know, although he could be doing something that is very common in english: use ‘he’ unless you know otherwise. This has become less common as feminists have pointed out the inherent linguistic discrimination this creates in our thought processes, but people often still think ‘he’ instead of ‘he/she/possibly it.’ I tend to use ‘e for my own thought processes and sometimes in casual speech, especially if I know one of the people I’m talking to is a rabid feminist(I am not calling all feminists rabid, I just find teasing the rabid ones to be fun). I’ve only managed to catch a few with it, but when they start haranguing me for calling everybody he and I get to point out that they were only hearing it because they expected to, oh the looks on their faces.
@67, telrashar
> @Erianaiel: I don’t think The Cloaked Stranger ever
> said – or even implied – that prostitution is
> morally wrong, as you seem to think he did. He
> simply asked if being bought dinner in exchange for
> sex would be considered prostituting oneself.
No, he did not, technically, say it is morally wrong, but let’s just say neither question nor the way it was phrased sounded like approval. Or even apathy.
However, I deliberately did not answer the question because I think it was a wrong one (i.e. loaded with preconceptions that made it unanswerable).
> Also, your assumption about dating is flawed. Just
> because someone expected sex from you on a date
> does not mean that all men expect sex from all
> women on all dates; not all men expect sex after a
> date. And even if they did, the woman is not
> obligated to have sex with him as a form of
> payment. See comment 31.
Trust me, I was well aware that I was not required to (nor expected to immediately have) have sex with my date. But I also was, and am, not naive enough to not realise that the possibility was the reason for the date, the dinner and the drinks I got offered. Yes, most guys I dated were perfectly polite and few even hinted that they had ulterior motives.
And, yes, the same is true for women as well. They too are using the date to see if they want to get more serious with a man. I am not trying to make it sound like men are perverts or anything. Just honesty that the possibility of having sex later plays a significant role in men inviting women to a dinner date, and to offer strange women drinks in a club. Occasionally saying yes to that expectation does not make one a prostitute.
Eri
I’m loving the MUverse, especially as a long time fantasy/sci-fi/D&D geek. Loving you’re interpretation of various Fantasy elements, keep up the great work AE!
@Kai
Granted, it is a fantasy setting, but I’ve never met or read about a person who tries to dissect someone’s lineage based on their appearance unless that person’s a professional being paid to do it.
It just seems kinda odd to me and makes me think of Jamie as sorta a xenophile (or whatever the appropriate word) when it comes to his elven heritage.
Unless, of course, half elves and elf-bloods are just much, MUCH more populous in the MU world than in most fantasy based worlds. Even if they are, it still seems like Jamie’s unconsciously segregating interesting people (elf bloods) and not quite as interesting people (non elf bloods). Considering that Jamie’s lineage is so overwhelmingly human…
I dunno. I, personally, don’t care what race, color, or religion a person is. As long as he or she can help me breed a superior race. >.>
@AE
D&D dark elves/drow/whatever (other than Dragonlance setting) aren’t all red eyed and white haired–that’s just the norm. Their eyes can be red, pink, amber, and even blue. Likewise, their hair can be red, and so on.
I’m not sure, but I think when interbred with surface elves (in FR), that you’ll even get an occasional drow with black hair or a pale-skin with white hair. Though Vhaerun’s plan for building up his numbers hinges on the drow’s traits great rates of inheritance.
But yeah, I get your point when it comes to dark elves. I absolutely love the parallels, and at the same time, I greatly enjoy the distinct nature of dark elf culture you’ve shared in the MU through Dee and (to a lesser extent) Mackenzie.
I also lol’d when Mack commented on racism towards dark elves, and the one token ‘good’ dark elf that befriends the ‘good guys’ before those warriors of truth and justice practice genocide on all the other little drowlings.
@39 – Dehsah was actually described as having black hair. Remember how Dee’s first memory was of Dehsah’s ebony hair, or something like that? White’s definitely the most common color, but apparently some small minority of “subterranean elves” have black hair.
Then again, if Kira’s part human (which I believe Jamie thinks she is) she could have inherited non-white hair that way.
@ Erianaiel 53:
Perhaps he does just compartmentalize well, but I would like to quote from chapter 4:
“He went from sulky mopey emo boy to a fairly handsome warrior in one fluid motion.
It was eye-catching.”
That kinda implies that there is some attraction there, as I know I wouldn’t think of it as “eye-catching.” Hell, I probly wouldn’t even consider the guy handsome.
Ah, Sondheim.
“Into the Woods” is one of my favorite musicals…
“Into the woods, it’s time to go
I hate to leave, I have to, though,
Into the woods, it’s time, and so
I must begin my journey.
Into the woods to bring some bread
To Granny, who is sick in bed
Never can tell what lies ahead…
For all that I know she’s already dead!
But into the woods
Into the woods!
Into the woods, then out of the woods
And home before dark!”
I loved this.
The safety rules for the feild herbalism class reminded me of the poem “Instructions” if anyone has read that. I think its by Billy Collins.
At 71:
You know, a lot of people date because they like company. Sex is nice too, but you are still absurdly oversimplifying things by claiming that sex is the reason for dating.
I, myself, happen to like getting dinner with nice company. If the nice company wants sex, so much the better, but I’m not going to be upset if it doesn’t happen.
I’d probably be happier if they paid for the meal in many circumstances, and sometimes that is what happens. I’ve had both happen, to be honest.
I suppose that makes me a whore, then.
“I’m not exactly a ninety-eight pound weakling…”, Lol. This reminded me so much of the Rocky Horror song “Make a Man”:
A weakling, weighing ninety-eight pounds
Will get sand in his face when kicked…to the ground
And soon in the gym, with a determined chin
The sweat from his pores, as he works for his cause
Especially since my cast replaces “works for his cause” with “fucks Santa Claus”, and Jamie’s part elf. It made me chuckle. Also is Thomas Zachary a reference to either Major League pitcher Tom Zachary or NFL linebacker Zachary Thomas?
Yay, MToMU!
@Twilla: attraction, attraction… hmm, okay, yes, I see your point. I know I find it hard to separate the thought pattern ‘dinner = sex for me’ from a bunch of other characteristics that I just can’t imagine would be attractive (or invisible) to the fairer gender. So perhaps that’s where I’m not understanding why you would date someone like that.
Of course, if you’re out for sex then dinner is as good an excuse as any for jumping him. Go have fun.
Sorry you’re feeling depressed. Hope you have someone to help you.
Chased by Iason,
Jamie has to consider,
What his summers mean.
@AE
Was it your intention to make Iason some wierd combination of IAn maSON’s name? If so, why? Or is it a secret? o.O
@ninjakiwi: No. It’s a real name.