…or, Shake Your Rainmaker
It rained during thaumatology class. I could hear the fat raindrops pinging off the roof. It didn’t last long—it was done before class let out—but the brief downpour was enough to turn the Hauldhagen Field into a slick mess. The wet grass and mud promised to make class interesting, in the same way that a stroll through the woods with Iason could be interesting.
Callahan treated it as a teaching opportunity. She broke us out of our groups right away and started putting together demonstrations, showing how the weather had changed the battlefield and how we needed to change in response. It was good, useful stuff. I hoped it would give the ground a little time to dry up before we all had to get out and fight on it. I doubted that was the reason Callahan was taking the time for demonstrations, though.
The ground wasn’t the only thing that was different—Steff showed up to class in a skirt. I don’t mean the kind of short wrap that fighters sometimes wear to keep their legs free. This was down past his knees. He looked as ridiculous in it as Alli would have if she’d tried to pass as a man in her leather and fur. I don’t think he was actually trying to pass, though. It was for shock value. He was daring Callahan to do something about it. That was obvious from the way he kept shooting her glances, and the way he kept bouncing forward when the coach wanted a volunteer.
Callahan obliged him by putting him in a position to be hammered into the ground, over and over again. He kept volunteering. Every time, he mugged more, added more unnecessary motion, and did everything that Callahan was coaching us against.
I was formulating a theory about why Steff didn’t live in Treehome: he was bugfuck insane, even by the standards of middling elves.
Each time he got dismissed, he went and stood next to Mack. The way he leaned into her, it seemed like they’d gotten a lot friendlier since the last time I’d seen them together. Either he’d changed his mind about her or the fact that she was an easy piece of ass outweighed everything else.
Probably the latter.
I wondered what was crazier: him having a hard-on for her or for Callahan. If I’d never seen Callahan or the half-demon in question, I never would have believed the mostly-human coach was the more dangerous one. I still didn’t have my mind made up on that score. With Steff being half-human, it seemed like he’d be all lunch for a half-demon, but I couldn’t quite see that. Somehow, she just didn’t seem that threatening. Looks could be deceiving though, and so could demons.
Either way, it was clear Steff had an unhealthy attraction to unnecessary danger.
I almost wanted to ask him how he felt about delving.
Almost.
I had a feeling he’d say yes. He might be more than halfway capable. But if we did go on our expedition, I’d want people with me who could help reign Iason in, not egg him on.
Once we broke down and started sparring again, I took a couple of spills. Watching Callahan walk people through how to stand and how to move didn’t translate into direct knowledge. I was glad my axe’s safety properties were duplicated by the box as efficiently as its sharpness and accuracy were. Otherwise, I would have sliced my leg open before anybody else’s weapon got near me.
My partner of the moment was a tall, muscular brunette named Rhona. She had a nice face but a body that looked warped by one too many potions of giant strength over the years—human bone strucure, but big twisted muscles like you’d expect on a half-ogre or giantblood. Her weapon was an iron rod about two feet long.
It could have been my imagination, but it seemed like Callahan seemed to enjoy pairing me with butch women, when she took an active hand. That was probably a side effect of being associated in her mind with Steff, as one of the two treefucking sissies.
“You okay, kid?” Rhona asked me after a charge turned into a really bad spill. The axe turned in my hand so that the blade didn’t go into my stomach, but I knocked my own wind out anyway. I was starting to hate the mud.
“I’m fine,” I said. “Nothing hurt but my pride.” I was covered in mud and grass. I’d have to shower before dinner. “And my stomach.” I got to my feet. Something creaked and cracked. “And my back, a little. Mostly my pride, though. I’m not used to feeling this clumsy.”
“It’s the mud,” she said.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “I feel like I can pay attention to my feet or to you, and I’m not used to paying attention to my feet. Anyway, we’re just lucky the rain stopped raining before class, I guess.”
“Luck, schmuck,” Callahan said, coming up from behind me. “And a schmuck is exactly what you are if you rely on luck. Remember, luck is like a drunk friend: never hesitate to take advantage of it, but never count on it.”
“Uh, right,” I said. Note to self: never drink with Callahan.
“It stopped raining before class for the same reason it started raining: because I wanted it. If you need a battle to happen on this side of the river, you make it happen on this side of the river,” she said. “If you want to fight in the rain, you make it rain.”
“Okay, but you can’t just make it rain, though,” the girl said.
“What school do you go to?” Callahan asked. “If you can’t find somebody who can make it rain, you make do, the same way you fight the battle where you have to if you can’t fight it where you want to. Anyway, I came over to tell you that the fight isn’t over when he hits the ground. Half of learning to fight on difficult terrain is learning to keep your balance. The other half is learning what to do when you—or your opponent—lose them. If they go down, you step up.” She looked directly at Rhona. “Don’t be afraid to work the balls, either. Intro To Daintiness is one field over.”
Rhona didn’t answer. Her expression was about like mine and I loved her a little for that. She didn’t say anything until Callahan had gone off to torment another group of fighters.
“Dude, no offense, but I’m not going near your balls,” Rhona said.
“Yeah, I’m strangely unoffended by that,” I said. “What the hell was that about?”
“Callahan,” Rhona said. She took a swing at me. I stepped back, my heel slipping a little when it landed halfway on a clump of grass. “If I were a half-elf, I’d never take her classes.”
“That guy Steff’s a half-elf,” I said, my axe clattering off her short staff. “I’m not even a quarter.”
“Really?” She swung. I ducked under it without moving my feet. “She looks pretty elven to me.”
“Maybe if you’ve never seen a full elf up close,” I said. It seemed pretty obvious that Rhona hadn’t. If she thought Steff was a girl, what would she have made of Iason?
“Maybe,” she said.
She caught my axe swing on her stick and then gave me a hard shove backwards, then stepped forward. I realized what she was doing just in time and rolled to the side as she planted her boot where my crotch had been.
“What the fuck?” I said.
“Sorry,” she said. “It just seemed like it might be an easy grade.”
“If the coach wants to watch muscular women stomping on peoples’ balls, I’m sure she can buy porn,” I said.
“Not on my salary, Princess!” Callahan yelled. “Step it up, Twiggy.”
To her credit, Rhona didn’t try again. Every time I started to lose my balance, she stepped back, embarrassed. Callahan didn’t say anything and she didn’t have us change partners. She’d taken a shot at getting an extra little thrill, but she wasn’t pushing it.
Just because she wasn’t above mixing her kind of pleasure with business didn’t mean she was going to forget about business.
I watched Steff trot into the trees with Mack after class. It looked like he was hustling her away from campus and everybody else. I wondered if it wasn’t the other way around. I thought again about camouflage. The stereotype for demons who were trying to hide their nature was a suave persuader. That schtick was so embedded in the public consciousness that it had to be about useless. Acting like a naive idiot could work a lot better.
Steff had said that Mack was harmless. He’d suggested that if anything, she should be afraid of him. What attitude could be more perfect for a hunting demoness to instill in her prey?
That was speculation, and weak speculation at best. I just couldn’t convince myself that Mack was that dangerous. Not a good person to reach out to, as Barley could attest. Not the best girl for a human guy to date, as her hotter-than-she-deserved boyfriend could tell you.
But even knowing what I knew, I couldn’t work up a whole lot of worry for Steff’s safety, watching the two of them go off alone. Maybe it was instinct. Maybe it was a stupid instinct that had gotten a lot of humans killed over the years.
I just couldn’t see her as dangerous.
Cross-reference TOMU chapter 109.
First… again. I don’t even use any programs… how am I doing this?
Heh… so Mack looks harmless, eh? If he only knew….
I love the interaction between the fighters. Some of it sounds like the sort of conversations I used to have when I was regularly at sword practice. I miss it!
Ah well – I can always start again if I weren’t so darned busy.
Light and laughter,
SongCoyote
I love this perspective on MU. It almost makes me like Callahan! I just wish Jaime would grow a brain stem sometimes, not in this chapter… but sometimes…
also, mook!
Honestly, I’m a little tired of hearing about Mack through Jamie’s perspective. This seems to be contrary to what everyone else is saying, so I’m risking a flame by saying this, but I feel like Jamie’s story should be his own. His life is interesting enough as it is, without constantly referring back to Mack. Of course, Mack is big news at M.U., so I can see the reasoning behind his interest in her, but I still wish there was less of Mack in MoarMU.
Also, Callahan’s a fsckin G
“Remember, luck is like a drunk friend: never hesitate to take advantage of it, but never count on it.”
“Uh, right,” I said. Note to self: never drink with Callahan.”
BAHAHAHAHAHA.
Jamie’s story is even more Jamie-centric than Mackenzie’s is mack-centric. I’m pleased any time it appears he’s looking at anything beyond the reach of his … well, whatever he’s reaching with.
Anyway, we’re just lucky the rain stopped raining before class, I guess. That just seems like strange wording.
Half of learning to fight on difficult terrain is learning to keep your balance. The other half is learning what to do when you—or your opponent—lose them. Should it be loses it?
I really liked this chapter. Especially when Rhonda took a shot at his balls. Seemed like the best thing to do at the time.
I realized what she was doing just in time and rolled to the side as she planted her boot where my crotch had been.
“What the fuck?” I said.
“Sorry,” she said. “It just seemed like it might be an easy grade.”
“If the coach wants to watch muscular women stomping on peoples’ balls, I’m sure she can buy porn,” I said.
“Not on my salary, Princess!” Callahan yelled. “Step it up, Twiggy.”
—————–
Priceless.
["Honestly, I’m a little tired of hearing about Mack through Jamie’s perspective. I feel like Jamie’s story should be his own. His life is interesting enough as it is, without constantly referring back to Mack."]
{Don’t know if I posted this before, but…}
Now technically, there is no good reason for Jamie to notice Mack as much as he does. She’s unusual enough to be worth noticing some, but hardly this often.
However technical accuracy is only a secondary desire on our part. One of Jamie’s purposes is to give us an outsider view of Mack, and to do so, he needs to notice her quite often.
She also provides us with something of a calendar and frame for the story.
All in all, to the extent there is a flaw here, it is not worth fixing.
Technically, Jamie seems to be noticing Steff, and Mack just happens to be along for the ride.
And, of course, Mack is a half-demon, so it’s always good for the sheep to watch out for the wolf. Well, actually, since Jamie isn’t a virgin, I suppose it’d be better to say that the triple chocolate fudge sundae should watch out for the girl with a sweet tooth.
It’s going to be interesting when Jamie hears about what Mack does to the Three Skirmishing Twats of Harlowe.
Jamie’s purpose is not to give us another perspective of Mack. It is to give us another perspective of the Land of MU, which won’t happen if he doesn’t stop staring at her and fix his sight on something we haven’t seen yet for once.
I get Mack more than enough in MU, in fact I tend to think that the story succeeds in spite of her.
This is more of a response to Dave’s comment than the story of today.
“Reign” means “rule”, Ms. E. “Rein” refers to the reins on a bridle. “Reining Iason in” would mean holding him back.
Steff and Iason clashing would be something to see, though. She would drive him batshit insane. XD
Of course not, all her gold goes into her twink enchants.
@9, David Argall
> Now technically, there is no good reason for Jamie
> to notice Mack as much as he does. She’s unusual
> enough to be worth noticing some, but hardly this
> often.
There would be very good reason for Jamie to notice Mackenzie a lot. He thinks she is a tiger hiding in a herd of deer. Since he is a deer too it is a smart idea to pay attention to where the tiger is at all times. It probably is an subconscious thing with humans after all these millenia of being predated on by demons.
He has not had a good first (nor second) impression of Mackenzie, and he is predisposed to think the worst of her. Even more so after Barley’s story about what happened in Harlowe that night. So every time she does something that challenges his expectations (i.e. appears to be harmless) he notices because it is different from what he expects.
And yes, probably by friday he may have convinced himself that maybe Mackenzie is harmless only to have his believes reinforced when the story does the round about Mackenzie being responsible for the missing ‘freak squad’ that cost the university its match.
Eri
What I’m really looking forward to is Jamie’s reaction when Pitchy-Mack challenges Callahan in full-on demon mode – and loses.
“The stereotype for demons .. was a suave persuader”. Like Mackenzie’s father …
@ M-F 12
When people type so often and quickly that it becomes second nature, a typo such as “reign/rein” is very easy to make. Explaining the difference in the two words sounds both pompous and condescending, and I expect AE’s reaction would be much the same as yours to this.
Thinks: Is just one smiley enough to indicate the non-flame, rather dry humour? Maybe not – better add another just to be safe.
I think Jamie and Mack should have a talk, but I don’t see them getting the opportunity as they’re kind of in different circles. Maybe later in MU they can have a class together(seeing as that dance didn’t go so well)??
Who knows, maybe Marlot can get to know her and argue with Jamie about her
“If the coach wants to watch muscular women stomping on peoples’ balls, I’m sure she can buy porn,” I said.
“Not on my salary, Princess!” Callahan yelled.
I’m starting to like Callahan more each time she appears in the story.
MistyCat:
I used to get offended when people assumed that I didn’t know the difference when my fingers supplied the wrong homophone, but then I realized that to some people, an assumption of a simple lack of knowledge might be the less insulting interpretation for such a mistake than a moment of carelessness. I’m not about to try to arbitrate whether ignorance is worse than apathy.
Don’t know, don’t care.
I feel like Two every time I read MOARMU and Jamie refers to Steff as He…
I have the outrageous urge to yell “STEFF IS A GIRL”
it’s nothing to do with typing speed, it’s something about being almost too familiar with the language. non-native English speakers (like me) seldom make homophone errors, for some reason; you native speakers do. strange but true.
same with genitive endings, abbreviations, and apostrophes. its, it’s and its’, sort of thing; usually a native speaker will be more likely to slip up on those than someone who’s had to learn this wretchedly confusing, illogically spelled system in adulthood.
YES! The humor is back and the spirit intact! I enjoyed this chapter a lot! Callahan destroys me!
In Jamie’s eyes Steff is ‘obviously’ not trying to pass, I think Steff would consider those as stabbing words if he expressed that sentiment to her face.
I’ve recently noticed that whenever I read a MToMU chapter that features Steff, my perception of her changes. When I read about her in ToMU she’s a girl. You know with long flowing hair and what not, but when I read about her here she’s got short hair. A short, spiked style to be exact. Jamie’s perception is throwing me off.
@Les
Steff has said that it doesn’t matter how people refer to her. Or him, in this story.
@26 – That’s easy to say, especially if you are trying to convince yourself.
I don’t have a problem with Jamie noticing Mack. I was a little disappointed, even, that he didn’t notice her and Gloria sparring. He only noticed her when he first arrived, and after class was over. Usually he will just notice that she’s there, and if she’s making a spectacle of herself like with the honey, he’ll mention that, and his disgust at it.
He is convinced she’s more dangerous than she looks (which is true, but not because she is Evil by choice). Also, she is such a freak to him that he can’t help but look to see, “What’s she doing this time?”
In addition, I’ve been rereading ToMU and I can’t count the comments that have speculated as to whether Mackenzie has some kind of magical attraction, to have (sexually) attracted so many very different people: Puddy, Barley, Amaranth, Steff, Ian, Sooni, possibly even Belinda, and probably others… So my speculation is that if that IS true, Jamie is feeling that pull a little even though he really, really dislikes her.
I love how even eighth-blood Jamie demonstrates the reason why Steff stays the fuck away from most elves without even knowing it. He thinks of her attempts at “passing” the way she thinks about her own art. Poor Steff =/
It’s also funny how both Jamie and Mack fell into the same trap, but different sides of it.
Re: the comments about Jamie’s inexplicable focus on Mack: it felt like a strange decision at the beginning before her demonic heritage came out, but now that it did, it seems reasonable to assume that *all* eyes would be on Mack. Even if “Keridwyn” is an outlier, humans have a lot of strange ideas about demons. It’d be like if everyone saw a guy turn into a tiger and rip somebody’s throat out, and then attended class. Irrational, but understandable.
(mechanically of course, it also provides more insights on Mack, even if it seems like Jamie’s outlook skews a bit towards “normalcy” when it happens)
“Delving” now defined:
An unhealthy attraction
To needless danger
The coach reigns freely
And gives her students free rain
But never free rein
Jamie seems to be
Finding uncertain footing
On several grounds
I really enjoy it when the two stories overlap. It makes the MUniverse feel even more fleshed out. And, strangely enough, when I was in college and found something interesting about one of my classmates, I tended to notice them in classes we shared and if I saw them around campus. Guess I’m kooky like Jamie that way.
Plus, it’s a good excuse to go back and read the ToMU stories that reference the same events. I forget just how much of a nerd Mack was about sex (compared to later behavior) and her complete freak out about being attracted to girls.
Betwyn said…
”
“[...]strangely enough, when I was in college and found something interesting about one of my classmates, I tended to notice them in classes we shared and if I saw them around campus. Guess I’m kooky like Jamie that way.
You’re not kooky. It’s natural to do so. If we don’t know someone, they’re just anonymous, so we can pass them by every day and never notice. If you know the person, it’s a lot easier to notice them in a crowd.
This is on my Twitter but I’m also going to say it here… chapter 68 will be coming tomorrow during the day; probably in the morning.
[Jamie’s purpose is not to give us another perspective of Mack. It is to give us another perspective of the Land of MU, which won’t happen if he doesn’t stop staring at her and fix his sight on something we haven’t seen yet for once.]
But Jamie is very poorly placed to do that. He covers a tremendous amount of ground that Mack also covers simply from both being students at the same school. There are fantastic amounts of things they both leave us ignorant of. Our bonus strips tell us much more in much less space.
Now one thing I have noticed is that this tale has durn few males in it. Jamie sees Iason, and a little bit of Steff, but the cast is almost entirely female after that. Given Jamie is rather worried about the general male attitude, it’s not too weird, but it would seem there would be a few more boys in a tale with a male hero.
RE: homophones -
Native speakers spend many years as just that “SPEAKERS” before they become readers and writers. They thus tend to think of words that sound the same as being the same, even if used in very different ways. This is probably the main reason why native speakers have more trouble with homophones and apostrophes than non-native speakers.
“hotter-than-she-deserved”, Jamie? Oh I know you did not just.
On the issue of Jamie noticing Mack, it actually dosn’t seem that often, he dosn’t go out looking for her, but he has a shared class with Mack, and see’s her in the dining area occasionally. It is interesting when this happens and I can’t wait till mr ‘She dosn’t look dangerous’ sees the Gloria beat down.
I can’t wait to see how he goes from ‘She dosn’t look dangerous’ to ‘Holy fuck’
I don’t think he believes she ISN’T dangerous – he just is incredulous that she would look and act the way she does when she surely IS dangerous.
My apologies if my correction among all the other corrections was out of line.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I <3 Callahan.