…or, If The Bra Fits
It seemed Callahan had decided that today was going to be a “stretch before fighting” kind of a day. We warmed up as a class before breaking into the two groups. Our group was just getting down to business when Steff came back with Mack in tow.
I would have been surprised to see the demon girl get sent off to the newbie section, if I hadn’t seen her go down from a single suckerpunch. It would be interesting to see how long she stayed there, when she was facing unprepared freshmen and not a deceptively compact urban barbarian. It sounded like she was already getting into it with some of them the moment she joined her group.
It might have been interesting to watch, but I didn’t want to get caught slacking. I’d taken my leg-breaking like a man, but one broken limb per semester was my limit.
“Today we’re going to talk about stance,” Callahan said. “I watch you guys and you all know how to handle your weapons, but only a few of you know how to handle yourselves. Yeah, giggle at that,” she said to a sandy-haired girl. “You’re one of the ones I’m talking about.”
Steff slipped into the line right beside me.
“Hey,” he whispered. “Still trying to…”
“Johnson, either you shut your cockhole or I’m going to bend those little knives into staples and do it for you,” Callahan said. “You think I don’t know an elven whisper when I hear one?”
“Technically, my mouth was closed when I said that,” Steff said.
“Just for that, I’m not using you as practice dummy today,” Callahan said. “Stance. Come on up here, Giggles.”
She made the blonde come up and started putting her in different poses, then showed why each of them was wrong. She was just getting started when Dobbs came stomping over to consult about something.
“Hey,” Steff said again, now that she was distracted. “Still trying to convince people you’re an elf?”
“What?” I asked.
He turned his head and ran the tip of one long, slender finger along the bottom curve of his ear.
“Oh, right,” I said, reaching up and feeling the piercings. “They were actually my boyfriend’s idea.”
“Well, don’t you work fast,” Steff said.
“What?”
“Last week, you wanted to know if I knew this elven guy, right?” Steff said. “And now you’re wearing his bling. That’s quite the, uh, hustle you’ve got there.”
“Hey, fuck you,” I said.
“I’d love to, but I think I’m on babysitting duty after class,” he said, jerking a thumb at Mack, who was now arguing with Callahan again.
“So, you know her?”
“Yeah,” he said. “She is such an idiot sometimes, I just want to scream, you know?” I nodded. I didn’t know the girl, but I could see where he was coming from. “I’m sorry I missed her getting decked, though. I would have loved to see that.”
“I thought she was going to tear Callahan’s head off,” I said.
“Her?” Steff said. “She is worthless in a fight. Okay, yeah, she’s strong, but she’s clueless about how to use it. She just kind of flails around. I mean, she fucked some ghouls up, but that was almost on accident.”
“Ghouls?” I asked.
“Yeah, they nest in the woods and wander around at night,” Steff said. “I hope I get a chance to spar with her, though… if anyone gets to stick a knife through her ribs, I want it to be me.”
He sounded giddy at the idea. It seemed Barley wasn’t the only person in Harlowe who saw through Mack’s innocent appeal. My opinion of Steff went up a notch.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Oh, totally,” Steff said. “There’s something about her, you know? I’ve just wanted to choke the living fuck out of her almost since I met her.” He gave me a sly look. “Why are you so interested, anyway?”
I decided against mentioning Barley. However Steff felt about Mack, his talk of “babysitting duty” and his solicitous behavior made it clear he was part of the same Harlowe clique. He might dream of choking or stabbing her, but he had to tolerate her.
“She’s interesting,” I said. “Demon girl at a human school. Makes me curious.”
That was the end of the conversation, as Callahan turned her attention back to us. She was a lot more hands-on and specific than she had been the previous two days.
When we finished, I watched Steff heading off into the woods with Mack while I fished out a cigarette. One look at his face was enough to crush that little bit of respect. He’d dish on her when her back was turned but then turned around and kissed her ass? Iason was at least an asshole to people’s faces.
“Hey, Princess!” Callahan yelled. It took me a second to realize she was talking to me. “You light that fucking thing in my classroom and I’ll make you eat the pack.”
“Sorry,” I said. I didn’t argue the point about being in a classroom. I remembered her demonstration from the first day. “I just got it out.”
“You know what we called those things in the war?” she asked, bounding up to me, the segments of her leather skirt flapping everywhere.
“What?” I asked. I had a pretty good idea where she was going.
“Elf cocks,” she said. Yep. “Because they’re thin and white. Well, the archers called them target lanterns.” She slapped me on the shoulder. “You did some okay work today. Keep it up and I’ll quit calling you Princess. Unless you get to like it.”
There was no doubt about it; Callahan was insane.
“Was that all?” I asked. Class was over, but I didn’t feel like turning my back on her unexpectedly.
“Just one more thing. If you let Johnson fuck you, I’m out ten silver,” she said. “I don’t want to be out ten silver.”
“Uh, that’s not going to happen.”
“Good,” she said. “Keep your back to the wall all semester and I’ll make it worth your while.”
“Great,” I said. “See you Thursday.”
I waited to make sure she wasn’t going to throw anything else out, then turned and started to leave.
“You know, I heard from one of the other coaches about an elven skirmisher who was bragging about taking his new cockwarmer into the deep woods yesterday,” Callahan said. I froze. Iason had a big mouth, but what did this matter to her?
“Yeah?” I said. Seemed safer than “So?” or “What’s it to you?”
“You’ve got potential, Princess, but do you know what ‘potential’ means?”
I did, but I didn’t know where she was going.
“It’s Draconian for ‘not ready yet’,” she said. “There’s some messed-up shit growing in those woods. Usually when nature takes that many left turns in a row, it’s a warning sign. It’s why wasps buzz and rattlesnakes rattle. When you stumble into a nest of them, it’s nobody’s fault but your own.”
“What exactly are you saying?” I asked. Her warning was clear, but I wanted to know if there was anything specific she knew about.
“Be a splooge sponge on campus,” she said. “Let the woods take care of themselves.”
“I’ll take that under advisement,” I said.
“No you won’t,” she said. “Because you’re young and stupid and way too flattered by attention.”
She turned and went to join Dobbs in packing up the equipment, leaving me with my unlit cigarette.
Flattered by attention? Callahan knew her job, but she didn’t know me. She’d heard about Iason’s bragging and she’d put two and two together with my new earrings. Okay. She was perceptive, but that didn’t mean she had a lot of wisdom.
I liked Iason. I liked him and that was it. If I was just after attention, I could have told him to fuck off when we got to Treehome and the boys came running.
Back at Pelinor, I went to my room instead of heading to Marlot’s. Making her walk over to my side wouldn’t be my first choice, but I’d give Missy her space for a little while longer. My room was empty, but I could hear laughter from Violet’s room.
The doorknob jiggled as I approached, and then it turned and the door opened inward. Invisible force prodded me forward. I stepped inside, then aside out of the way of the closing door. Barley and Violet were sitting on Violet’s bed. I thought Violet was completely naked, but she was wearing sweatpants. Her breasts hung free over a tummy that was just a little softer and rounder than I’d pictured. Barley was wearing what I assumed was Violet’s bra.
“Hello, James!” Barley said.
“Hello, James!” Violet repeated, then laughed.
The room was dim. Layers of gauzy curtains blocked the window, and the only artificial light that was on was a table lamp which had a shirt draped over it. The place smelled like Violet’s cigarettes, as well. There were three brown glass bottles on the nightstand at the end of the bed. Tipsy, if not drunk, plus loopy from whatever was in Violet’s blend. I hoped that Violet had done most of the imbibing. Barley struck me as a lightweight.
“Uh, you guys having fun?” I asked.
“Just having a little girl time,” Barley said.
“We weren’t having sex,” Violet said. “Since that’s what you’re thinking. We were going to paint her toenails, but it didn’t stick very well.”
“That required taking your shirt off?” I asked.
“Taking my shirt off required taking my shirt off,” she said. She held out her hand and a bottle of polish floated into it. “We should do you. This color would taste incredible on you.”
“Colors don’t have any taste,” I said.
“No? Then why do they dye mint stuff green?” Violet asked.
“Because mint is green.”
“Mint leaves are green but mint flavor isn’t,” she said. “They might as well dye vanilla shit brown. Who decided vanilla’s going to be white but mint’s got to be green? Green or red. Does that make any sense?”
“No,” I said, and I meant it. I didn’t understand what she was going on about. I got that whatever vanilla came from was probably brown, but I didn’t see what it had to do with anything.
“Oh, shut up,” Violet said.
“What’d he say?” Barley asked.
“So, where’s your roommate?” I asked. Drinking and smoking in the dorms early Tuesday evening seemed a bit imprudent. Looking around the room wasn’t likely to produce Beth—or Temperance, or whoever her roommate was—but it gave me an excuse not to look at her.
“Went into town,” Violet said. “For fuck’s sake, go ahead and stare, James,” she said, framing her boobs with her hands. “I don’t care. This isn’t me you’re looking at anyway.”
“Who is it, then?” I asked.
“Nobody,” she said. “Anybody. Any body. A body is a body is a body is a body. It’s what’s behind it that matters.”
“Yeah, uh, I’m going to be getting some dinner soon,” I said.
“You going to kill a cow?” Violet asked.
“Not personally,” I said. “Not unless one gives me trouble. Do you two want to get dressed and join me?”
“I’m not killing any cows,” Barley said.
“They have salads.”
“Not real salads,” Violet said. “The lettuce is probably dyed green.”
“Lettuce is green,” I said.
“Real lettuce is,” she said. She shook her head. “I bought a meal plan because they said I had to, but that doesn’t mean I have to use it.”
“Okay, whatever,” I said. “Do you want to pack your stuff up and come with us?”
“Us?” Barley asked.
“My friend Marlot,” I said.
“Oh,” Barley said.
“She’s nice,” I said.
“I don’t think I want to go over to the union,” Barley said. Her eyes were big and bright. “That’s their turf. I’m trying to lie low.”
“Wear my bra,” Violet said. “It’ll be a disguise.”
“You shouldn’t let yourself be intimidated,” I told Barley. “You pay tuition. You pay the fees. The union is yours as much as it’s anybody’s.”
“Yeah!” Violet said. “Fuck them. I say we do it, just for that.”
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll go find Marlot and tell her the plan. You guys need some time to, uh, get stuff together?”
“I’m fine right now,” Violet said. She rocked forward and slid off the bed, then threw out her hands for balance. “Um, maybe half an hour?”
“Sure,” I said.
Ook!
MOOK! So glad this is back!
Ook??
Can’t believe there’s no comments yet, I assumed people would be mashing refresh for this.
Aaaaaaah. :’D I’m so glad this is back. And as usual Callahan is awesomness refined into humanoid mutt form. xD
Also, typo: “She held out her hand a bottle of polish floated into it.” Seems like there should be a full stop or a semi colon or something in that sentence.
Woo! More MU!
I’m glad to see this story continuing.
OMG, a post! /cheer
It’s a shame that anyone Violet might get a read off of as to the truthiness of Barley’s comments would probably drive Violet into blood-crying insanity. Or the divine equivalent (death by orgasm? death by warm binkie/woobie feelings?).
And I like Violet. Jamie is a dork. Can we have Jamie get eaten by something and let Violet be the center of attention instead?
I’m fine right now,” Violet said. She rocked forward and slid of (should read off) the bed, then threw out her hands for balance. “Um, maybe half an hour?”
Jamie is way too prejudice… And seems not to understand Steff’s sadism fetish… He’s pretty sheltered if he couldn’t pick up on that.
So it seems that Jamie misinterpreted what Steff was trying to say, she wants to choke Mackenzie because she thinks its hot… not because she wants to do her harm… or at least thats the impression I have always gotten.
MOOK!
Beth is awesome. Go work AE keep it up.
Calling cigarettes
“Elf cocks” is no different
Than calling them “fags”
If you go out in
The woods any day you’re sure
Of a big surprise…
Barley is getting
An early start on conduct
Unbecoming an nymph
Jamie is interpreting Steff’s comments about Mack in light of his understanding of Barley’s presentation of her own understanding/recollection of conditions in Harlow. There’s lots of room for misinterpretation there.
More… is back (at least for a chapter). ARF, MOOK, whatever
YAY!!
Love the chapter, and I can’t wait for more.
Ah, Coach Callahan, dispensing with that good advice yet again. She must really likes Jamie….
Okay, I give up on Jamie. All his friends are kinda assholes, with the exception of Marlot. Who, I get the feeling, is going to slowly slip to the sidelines as Jamie hangs out more and more with his new asshole friends.
(In case you were wondering about Violet, I grant her minor asshole status due to the “kill a cow” comment.)
@17. Although it makes for a lovely haiku, ‘fag’ has no gay connotations in the UK (other than for those who are aware of it’s American meaning… so I suppose the point then becomes debatable… hm…) but it’s a bit different than calling them ‘elf cocks’. I’m sure no offence was intended. I just wanted to clarify that there’s no homophobic undertones in how ‘fag’ is used in the UK!
I really don’t think you should hold her so accountable for what she says while stoned, and seriously, Marlot is at least that much of an asshole, just not about the same things. Besides, it’s a standard joke for eating a meal with (a lot of) meat, as far as I know, not even necessarily insulting.
@13: Actually, talking to someone like Steff for the first time, and being told she wants to strangle/stab someone she also considers stupid… I would probably not attach any sexual meaning to a statement like that. I want to strangle stupid people a lot myself, but not because I eroticise it.
“..she fucked some ghouls up, but that was almost on accident.” “by” or “an”?
Callahan’s being pretty clear, here, and I wonder how much she knows. We do know that she has been doing things in woods for a very long time, and in many parts of the country. Presumably the number of odd and dangerous species in the woods around MU is unusual. Has Callahan seen the ruins? Did she dare to set foot in them? If she does know about them, she isn’t going to mention it to Jamie and tempt him to go looking for them.
“You had SEX?! In the fucking RUINS?!? Khersis to fuck, your elven god of spooge-assery must have been watching over your cretinous gay hides! Couldn’t you feel the fucking aura of DEATH?!?! What the elves get up to is their business, but the ruins stay off our maps for a reason, Princess! Now, you’re going to locate your fuckwit boyfriend for me, and we are going to have words… after I fetch my clue-handed sword.”
Be careful taking Barley Wine and Drinking Violet out on campus, Jamie – friends don’t let friends empath drunk.
Greenwood Goat: ‘on accident’ has the same as ‘by accident’, it’s just a regional variation. ^^
Glad to see more tales is back. Thanks A.E.
In case anyone in the universe was interested, the reason foods are dyed or coloured is partly because people expect them that way. Imagine eating a blue orange (an odd concept). You would certainly feel weird, and you wouldn’t enjoy the orangey experience nearly as much.
Incidentally, carrots were originally black or purple, but were bred for the orange colour by Dutch merchants. Not quite sure how they managed that.
Seconded
Ohhh, not cool. They can beat up on Mack as much as they want, but now that they have mocked Two, Barley is dead to me.
And already Barley is putting on clothes… I wonder if she ever felt as strongly about that as Amaranth in the first place? Jamie doesn’t seem to think anything’s wrong with it…
Goddammit… why didn’t I walk into any topless drunken bra-exchanging in college?
@22: hmm. I half-disagree (I’m British too, and though I’ve spent enough time in the States to pick up some of their lingo, I’ve explained the British way with words – and quite deliberately charmed enough folks by “Britishing up” my speech – to know the difference). “Fag” is used in a homophobic way in the UK (short for “faggot”), but yeah, when someone says “I’m popping out for a fag”, they USUALLY are talking specifically about putting something cylindrical in their mouth and sucking on it for pleasure.
Just wanted to clear up any ambiguities.
Still love Violet. Enjoyed the look at Steff from the outside. I have hiccups when I see “he” in the story, I stop and go “wait, who’s ‘he’?” then realise that Jamie’s talking about Steff.
Yay, More MU!!
Yay for more MoarMU!
Also, I really liked Violet, but I’m slightly afraid I may stop liking her as much, with the way she was in this chapter … ah well. Here’s to hoping!
@ Golux 23:
I was under the impression that Violet was a vegetarian. I might be wrong on that account, but that’s where I got the asshole bit from. I don’t mind vegetarians, but I do mind if one tells me off for enjoying a burger.
“There’s some messed-up shit growing in those woods. Usually when nature takes that many left turns in a row, it’s a warning sign. It’s why wasps buzz and rattlesnakes rattle. When you stumble into a nest of them, it’s nobody’s fault but your own.”
on second read, i DONT think callahan means the beasties that they ran into in the deep woods.
i think she means treehome, and iason.
Adele: yes people have started using that word thus now but they never used to: they picked it up off American tv and films .
Fag in the british sense probably comes from Faggot: a bundle of sticks for burning, add another F on the front and you get ffaggot a sort of …um….you know those things they call biscuits in the us? sort of savouryish scone things in gravy? imagine something that looks like that only made out of meat.
And of course a fag is, or was, the term for a younger boy who had to do jobs for an older boy in public schools.
The probable etymology of the unpleasant version comes from a hebrew word I’ve occassionally heard used in Mel Brooks comedies.
(I’m sorry I have this problem using offensive terms, it was kind of a strain even to use themin an ok context, you probably know the word I mean, if not it sounds a lot like that other word I was talking about)
I thought “fag” also meant a cigarette?
Oh, and I just noticed #30: MJ said…
“Ohhh, not cool. They can beat up on Mack as much as they want, but now that they have mocked Two, Barley is dead to me.”
Where did they mock Two? I see no mention of either her name or golems in general.
Callahan, FTW! Again!
Violet is getting… weirder. The psion’s curse, I suppose- too easy to metafy everything. Yes, I just made that word up.
Yay for the return of MoarMU! ^_^
Beappleby: yes that’s the British sense I meant sorry, I was trying to say that the slang probably evoled from it being a thing you light, like the bundle of sticks.
“Can we have Jamie get eaten by something and let Violet be the center of attention instead?”
Yes Please !
Not sure Violet is the one doing the corrupting here. Barley hid her body under a blanket in an earlier chapter, for example, and I don’t think Violet was the one getting her to do it. Barley wants to be treated like a person and not a sex symbol so she’s shying away from the parts of being a nymph that she considers demeaning, while she still fancies herself having all the positive traits nymphhood entails. I wouldn’t even be sure that the wine belongs to Violet. Those bottles might be some of Puddy’s bottles that Barley kept.
I kinda disagree with all the “Steff’s just lusting after Mack” stuff. Yes Steff is a sadist and yes s/he gets off hurting people, but I was frankly shocked by his/her lines in this one. And the way that s/he referred to Mack as “babysitting”…it doesn’t fit with what we know about him/her in the other story line. The tone doesn’t work unless we’re gonna learn a lot more about Steff.
(And, there’s so many slashes here because Steff’s a “he” in this line and a “she” in the other line, and I get a little confused in this one.)
C8H9NO2,
If it’s Puddy’s wine we could have some weird chapters coming up. I assume that’s the point you were making.
glad to see your doing this again.
I really hope that at some point Jamie finds out that Mack’s not evil, but I’m not holding my breath waiting for it to happen soon…
@28: Incidentally, carrots were originally black or purple, but were bred for the orange colour by Dutch merchants. Not quite sure how they managed that.
You can still find the purple ones sometimes, at farmers’ markets or specialty stores – they’re considered a heritage variety now. And they actually taste better than the orange ones – they’ve got a richer, stronger flavour, a little bit like beets but less sweet.