More Tales of MU

…or, A Walk To Remember

Marlot came around knocking at lunchtime. I threw on my jeans and opened the door. She was wearing an aquamarine sweater vest over a white long sleeved shirt with tiny aquamarine stripes and a matching crushed velvet hat. She looked like a toothpaste mascot.

“You slept in all morning,” she said, shaking her head. “I’d be disappointed, if I’d ever expected anything else.”

“Well, it’s not like I have any classes,” I said.

“And it’s not like you made a big deal out of how you weren’t just going to sleep in every other day, during registration,” Marlot said. “Oh, except that you did.”

“That was for Mom’s benefit,” I said. “Why didn’t you wake me up for breakfast?”

“I stopped by, but it sounded like you were busy,” Marlot said. “And by ‘busy’ I mean ‘doing it’. And by ‘it’ I mean ‘sexual intercourse’. And by ‘sexual intercourse’ I mean—”

“Yeah, okay,” I said. “I was a little occupied this morning.”

“And by ‘occupied’, you mean ‘with Iason’s tumescent member’.”

“Do me a favor, Mar,” I said. “Never say that word again.”

“Sorry,” Marlot said. “‘By Iason’s tumescent member’.”

“Anyway, as a matter of fact, I wasn’t.”

“Who’s there, James?” Barley asked sleepily from up in the loft.

Marlot mouthed the word “James?” at me.

“It’s my friend Marlot,” I said over my shoulder.

“Tell her I said—” Barley mumbled, trailing off and, I assumed, falling back asleep. I stepped out into the hall and very quietly closed the door.

“You move on fast,” Marlot said.

“She’s a nymph,” I said. “And she was in need.”

“Well, a nymph in need is a nymph indeed,” Marlot said. “Is that why I couldn’t find you for lunch or dinner yesterday?”

“Actually, no I was off with Iason,” I said. “He showed me around Treehome, and we went exploring in the woods.”

“Is that what you kids call it these days?” Marlot asked. “Now, I’m just a poor girl from a tiny little market town, but it seems to me that if you spent the time between lunch and dinner off romping through the forest, you can’t have been in class during that same span of time.”

“Yeah, I cut my afternoon classes,” I admitted. “But it was just this one time, and anyway, you’re the one who was telling me not to let opportunities pass me by.”

“There are different kinds of opportunities,” Marlot said. “For instance, there’s the opportunity to get laid, and then there’s the opportunity to get an education on your parents’ silver. One of those opportunities won’t come back later because it’s still hard up.”

“I’m not going to blow off school just because I skipped class once,” I said. “It’s better that I do it now at the beginning of the year and get it out of my system, right?”

“Sure, as long as it doesn’t become a habit.”

“Well, it won’t,” I said.

“Even now that you’re shacking up with a nymph?” Marlot said. “Jamie, between her and Iason, you’re really going to be burning the candle at both ends, and by ‘burning’, ‘candle’, and ‘both ends’ I mean—”

“I know what you mean,” I said. “But we’re not ‘shacking up’. She’s having some problems with the girls in Harlowe and needed a place to stay.”

“I can’t imagine she’d have a problem finding a bed,” Marlot said.

“I think that’s the problem,” I said. “She’s here for an education, too, but she’s expected to ‘perform’ twenty-four/seven. Anywhere she goes turns into a party with her as the floor show.”

“The problems of nymphs,” Marlot said. “Didn’t sound like you gave her much of a respite, though.”

“Yeah, well, sounds can be deceiving,” I said. “Anyway, I’m sure this whole thing with Barley seems interesting, but that’s only because you haven’t heard about the rest of my day yesterday.”

“Well, put on your shirt and some boxers, or at least zip up your fly, and you can tell me over lunch,” Marlot said.

“Give me a break, I just woke up,” I said. I ducked back into my room, got dressed properly, and was back out in in less than a minute.

“You’re not going to invite the Little Mrs. to dine with us?” Marlot asked me.

“Already did,” I said. “Turns out nymphs aren’t big fans of the beefy burgers.”

“Shocking,” Marlot said. “Did you tell her they have salads?”

“She’s going to eat some kind of hippy shit with Violet.”

“Does hippy shit taste any better than the regular kind?”

“I have zero curiosity on that score,” I said. “Let’s get a move on. I want to tell about my day, but there are some parts I’d rather not spill in the halls.”

“Sounds juicy,” Marlot said.

“I don’t know if that’s the word.”

Once we were out in the open air, I found myself looking around for the Harlowe girls. There was no sign of them. I lit up a cigarette and started the story of what had happened after my herbalism classes the day before. I kept things brief, but included as many of the interesting parts as I could remember. For once I didn’t feel myself chafing under Marlot’s naturally slow pace. I wanted to cover the whole stag bracelet thing before we got to the union, where it would be easier for people to overhear enough to put it all together. We dawdled, and people passed us by. If they paid any attention, it couldn’t have made any sense.

Marlot’s snarky comments stopped before I got far in. I expected some kind of reaction out of her at the key points. She still hadn’t said anything by the time I got to the encounter on the hilltop.

“You’re being real quiet,” I said. “I thought you’d have something to say about this.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to be an attentive listener,” she said. “Seeing as I already missed the part where you dumped his ass upon realizing that the unremovable magic item is also an uncontrollable shapeshifting charm.”

“It’s not uncontrollable,” I said. “It’s just not under my control.”

“Jamie, he bet you to another guy in a fight,” she said. “He led you into an infestation of carnivorous earth worms on haste. He tricked you into desecrating an ancient temple. Why would you stay with him after all that?”

“Because it was fun,” I said. “There were some, you know, tense moments, but the worst thing that actually happened was I got some poison ivy. That could have happened even if we were just fooling around.”

“And you’re okay with being turned into his little prancing pony?”

“Stag,” I said.

“Same difference,” she said. “Who cares if it’s a dragon, if you’re not in control?”

“It’s an experience,” I said. “Not one I would have put on my list of things to try before I die, but not a bad one now that I know what it’s like. Like the saying goes: don’t knock it if you ain’t tried it.”

“So, you’re okay with it all?”

“Yes, Marlot, I am.”

“Okay,” she said. “Well, it’s your life.”

“It is,” I agreed.

“And if you lose it being a gay deer, I’m the one who’s going to have to explain things to your mother,” Marlot said. “So keep that in mind, and don’t do anything selfish like dying.”

“I’m not going to,” I said. “I already told Iason we’re not doing any more half-assed impromptu adventures.”

“Good.”

“If he wants to go delving, we need to do it right.”

“What? You aren’t a delver, Jamie.”

“That’s why I want to be careful,” I said.

“Oh, that makes perfect sense,” Marlot said. “Like how I’m not a bird, so I need to be careful when I jump out of trees while flapping my arms.”

“Chances are he won’t even want to do it with me if he knows he can’t just drag me off into the woods on a whim,” I said. “And if he’s stubborn enough to prove me wrong, I’m sure he’ll go all-out with the preparations. Either way, I’ll be perfectly safe.”

“If delving were perfectly safe, there wouldn’t be people who go to school for four years to learn how to do it right.”

“If it were too dangerous, there wouldn’t be so many people in that program,” I said.

“I think the money has something to do with that,” Marlot said. She shook her head. “Killing things for fun and profit.”

“It would be more fun than profit for us, I expect,” I said. “If it happens, we’re going to be exploring some shallow caves, not raiding a kobold warren. Not much danger we’ll be facing sentient beings, either. Most of the forest’s monsters seem to be of the mindless beast type.”

“Yeah, those ‘green men’ sound creepy,” Marlot said. “You won’t catch me going for any strolls through the woods.”

“Slow as they are, I don’t think you’d have a problem outpacing them,” I said.

“I’d rather not have to.”

We’d reached the plaza in front of the union by this point. I stopped alongside the smoking area to finish my second cigarette and then dispose of it.

“You sure you’re okay with everything?” Marlot asked.

“Yes, I’m sure,” I said. “That’s the third time you’ve asked me, Mar.”

“Well, I’m just trying to look out for you.”

“I thought I was supposed to look out for you.”

“Yeah, you are kind of a sexist jerk that way,” Marlot said.

“I wouldn’t say I’m fine with it if I wasn’t,” I said. “Anyway, I haven’t heard much about this guy you’re seeing.”

“I’ve gotten the distinct impression you don’t want to hear about him.”

“Of course I do,” I said. “Like, what the hell kind of guy—”

“Bobby is a perfect gentleman,” Marlot said. “He is very in touch with my needs. Also, he bought me this hat.”

“And you think I should dump Iason over the bracelet,” I said.

“It’s a very nice hat,” she said. “It does not transform me into livestock. It also goes with so many things I own.”

“Deer aren’t livestock,” I said. “And I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in that sweater before.”

“Well, I didn’t have the hat to go with it.”

We headed inside, went upstairs to the food court, got our food, and grabbed a table.

“You know, I’ve missed you,” Marlot said when we sat down.

“What?”

“I’ve missed you, you know!,” she yelled, in an loud, obnoxious voice.

“I heard you,” I said. “But I was only gone for one night.”

“You’ve been busy, I’ve been busy,” Marlot said. “I’m not saying we shouldn’t be busy. I’m just saying, I’ve missed you.”

“Oh,” I said. “Thanks?”

“You’re welcome,” she said. She sighed. “Missy’s been giving me the cold shoulder. She’s barely in the room at all when I’m in there, and she doesn’t say anything.”

“Does it seem like she’s okay?” I asked.

“I don’t think she’s going to pine away to nothing,” Marlot said. “She talks to other girls. She just clams up when we’re alone.”

“Sorry.”

“I expect she’ll thaw towards me a little when she finds out about your pet nymph,” Marlot said.

“Don’t.”

“What?”

“She isn’t my pet,” I said. “She’s a person.”

“A week ago, you didn’t believe that nymphs had the wherewithal to leave their foci behind,” Marlot said.

“It’s funny how much you can learn by talking to a person,” I said.

“So there was talking?”

“There was talking,” I said.

“Or I suppose, as nymphs call it, ‘giving oral’.”

“Seriously, Marlot, I’m just trying to give her a place to sleep,” I said.

“A place to sleep on your dick,” she said.

“That one doesn’t even make sense,” I said.

“Doesn’t even make sense on your dick,” she said.

“You aren’t even trying any more,” I said.

“I’m not even trying on—okay, I’m done,” she said.

“Thank you.”

“So what have you got going on for this afternoon?” she asked.

“Classes,” I said.

“Classes you’ll actually be attending?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure Meinke actually will mark me down if I’m not there,” I said. “And I’m not about to miss mixed melee.”

“It sounds like your teacher there would cut you down if you skipped,” Marlot said.

“Oh, I don’t think she’d do anything that permanent,” I said. “I get the feeling Callahan prefers to draw out the suffering.”

“Hey, you know one possible advantage of your bracelet?”

“What?” I asked. I could see the gleam in her eyes, and took the bait. If she was going to crack a joke about it, it meant she was starting to accept it.

“If you found the right fraternity, it might give you an edge getting in,” she said. “Since you could double as a mascot.”

“Yeah, right,” I said. “Like I’m going to join the Brotherhood of the Teal Deer. Have you seen their membership oath?”

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