…or, The Double Bind
I had a hunch I’d been lying to Iolana about anyone looking for us.
Marlot would have been damn worried when the wagon didn’t come back. She’d have been worried even if it turned up and I didn’t. She’d mask it with snarky comments about where I was and what I was doing. They’d be similar to the snarky comments she’d make if she wasn’t worried, but there’d be more of a wounded tone to them.
Not because she’d take my disappearance personally. She’d sound wounded because she was hurt, and she’d be hurt because she was worried. Marlot was a sympathetic person. Not “in spite of her gruff exterior”. She wouldn’t need the exterior if she didn’t care about people.
So I figured she’d be worried, even with just a night’s passing. What I hadn’t counted on was Iason being worried, or even noticing I was gone. Yeah, I could see him getting frustrated if a couple of days went by and he couldn’t find me. I also would have figured on him taking it personally.
I really didn’t count on him noticing I wasn’t on campus, finding Marlot, figuring out I never made it back, and tracing the route between the university and Bobby’s house. Twice.
That’s exactly what happened, as I found out. He had just been heading out for a third time when we came into sight. His sight went quite a bit further than ours did, of course.
“Who’s that?” Iolana said as he came into view, at the edge of the road leading into campus. I squinted. The elven coloration was distinct, even from a distance. I couldn’t make out his face, but I didn’t have to. I had a moment to wonder why he was just standing there, to think that he was going to be looking all smug and stoic, when the wagon rolled a tad closer and I got a good look at his face.
I’d seen Iason put on a wounded look before. I’d seen him actually hurt. I’d never seen anything like the pain in his face.
“Jamie?” Iolana said. “Do you think that’s someone waiting for us?”
“It’s Iason,” I said. “I think he’s waiting for me.”
“Well, I guess three’s a crowd, huh?” she said.
“You don’t have to go,” I said.
“I wasn’t planning on it,” she said, and she shoved me out of the wagon. I landed on grass. If she’d chosen to give me the heave-ho a little bit earlier, it would have been long wild grass. We were within the university’s grounds now, and it was short.
Still soft, though. Soft enough to do nothing to stop me from feeling the hard ground underneath it.
Iason was by me before I could even start to get up.
“Women,” he said, offering me a hand. I took it. “How can they be worth the trouble?”
“Same way you can,” I asked, getting to my feet. “She has her reasons.”
“Are you saying I am worth it?”
“I’m saying you can be,” I said. “If you want to. I’d like it if you were.”
“I looked for you,” he said.
“I can see that.”
“I was worried.”
“I can see that, too.”
“This is a dangerous land,” he said.
“Yeah, it stings when you hit it wrong,” I said.
“I’m serious,” he said. “This land was not made for human men.”
“Do you want me to leave it?” I asked him.
“I want you to stay with me,” he said. “So that I can keep you safe.”
“I’d be safer farther away from you.”
“True,” he said. “but you’d be farther away. It is a delicate balance, Iamie. I’m trying to make the best of things.”
“You wanted to take me adventuring in the woods,” I said. “You want us to go delving.”
“Together,” he said. “You can encounter monsters in the woods or the fields without me, but I cannot keep you safe without you.”
“I don’t want someone to keep me safe,” I said. “You can scratch that itch by not actively endangering me very often, if you want to.”
“I had nothing to do with you disappearing from the face of this world the night before last,” he said. “Or being flung from a wagon this morning.”
“Point,” I said. “So it’s Saturday?”
“Yes, Iamie,” he said.
“You didn’t wait long to start looking for me.”
“You did not show up in class,” he said. “It was unlike you. So you see yourself in a position where I could be endangering you, in the future?”
“I think they throw you out of dances for endangering other attendees,” I said.
“You wish to be asked to a dance?”
“I’m asking you.”
“If I say no, would you be inclined to accept when I ask you?” he asked.
“How’s that fair?” I said. “If you say yes to me, I might say yes to you.”
“Might? And what sort of fairness is that?”
“A new sort. Double-dating between two people is a very new field,” I said. “Everything is bleeding edge.”
“I will have to think about it,” he said.
