…or, What Looks Like Repetitive Arguments Is Actually Consistent Characterization, Really
“Marlot, you just got done admitting you were out of line,” I said. “Was it really such a fun experience for you that you just can’t wait for a chance to do it again?”
“Jamie, I was just going to ask you if you wanted my advice,” she said. “If not, then I won’t say another word on the subject.”
“Is there any chance that’s true?”
“There’s probably a chance,” she said. “But it isn’t. Do you want my advice?”
“You gave me your advice,” I said. “Figure out if he’s worth it or not. I’m working on that, Mar. What more do you want?”
“I want you to be happy, Jamie. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. Oh, except I also want you to be careful,” she said. “And I’m wondering how much more do you think you need to know about him before you can make up your mind.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I just know that I haven’t seen all of him yet.”
“You really think that underneath it all he’s just sweetness and light?” she asked.
“No, not just sweetness and light,” I said. “His attitudes about women seem pretty deeply ingrained. He can fake being nice, like he did with you, but when he doesn’t think he has to, it can get pretty ugly.”
“And that’s what you want to date. A pretty ugly misogynist.”
“When you say it like that, it sounds like that’s all he is,” I said. “He has misogynistic impulses. I don’t think they have to define him.”
“No, as long as he spends his entire life surrounded by guys,” Marlot said. “Which seems like it would be his plan. As long as he’s immersed in elven culture, he hardly ever has to deal with icky girls.”
“Listen, I’ve seen him being fake-nice, but I’ve also seen glimpses of the real thing. It’s possible that’s the most real thing he’s shown me,” I said. “Everything’s such a put-on with him, you know? He’s trying to be the perfect dashing elven huntsman.” I had a thought. It bounced around a bit and turned into an idea. The start of one, anyway. “Hey, you know what? I think maybe you were onto something.”
“Yeah, why do I get the feeling it’s not what I think I’m onto?” she asked. “Anyway, haven’t we gone over the ‘don’t try to fix him’ thing already? It’s always two steps forward, one step back with you, Jamie. And the two steps are usually the same as each other.”
“I like doing things with a little deliberation,” I said.
“Very little deliberation,” Marlot said. “You vacillate, Jamie, and then you follow an impulse. Maybe to someone else you’d look cool and contemplative, but I’ve known you too long.”
“The problem isn’t just him,” I said. “It’s the culture.”
“Yeah, his culture,” Marlot said. “The culture that he’s a part of and perpetuates.”
“Hey, it’s not like elven culture is absolutely irredeemable,” I said. “Not all elves are as, uh, hardcore as the ones out here. And even then I think they must grow out of it after a century. Otherwise they would have died out long before we got here.”
“You’re the one who brought culture up,” she said.
“Yeah, but my point was that he’s trying to fit me into it,” I said. “Into a particularly archaic model of it, at that. Which isn’t exactly a going proposition with me.”
“And yet everytime he propositions you, off you go with him,” she said.
“Well, yeah,” I said. “If I wasn’t into him, there wouldn’t be a question. The problem is that he wants a relationship that I don’t want.”
“If you’re sure you don’t want it, then you should just end it,” she said.
“But that’s the thing,” I said. “I don’t want this relationship, the one he’s been after. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy a relationship with him. What if we stripped away all the dominant elven machismo bullshit?”
“Are you sure there’d be anything left of him?” Marlot asked.
“Sure,” I said. “He can be nice. He can be funny. He can be clever.”
“So then, your plan is, what? See if he’ll take you to a soda fountain or a school dance instead of turning you into his special forest friend?”
“If I put it to him like that, he’ll take me to a soda fountain and then ask when I’m putting the bracelet back on,” I said. “He’ll need to understand that I’m not talking about things he needs to check off on a list before he gets exactly what he wants.” I paused and reached for my cigarettes, then remembered I was in somebody’s home. Somebody’s parent’s home. I looked around for an ashtray. No luck. “It’s like I’m a quest or a puzzle or something. If he solves me, he wins the prize.”
“Jamie, the more you talk about this, the more I wonder why we’re talking about this,” Marlot said. “Seriously. How can he be worth it?”
“I don’t know,” I said again. “I don’t even know that he is. The fact that I’m not kicking him out of my life right now doesn’t mean I’ve decided not to.”
“It doesn’t speak well of the chances that you will,” Marlot said.
“Well, look,” I said. “I’ll give him an ultimatum.”
“Oh, good. The best dating decisions always start with those words.”
“Well, I’ll give him a choice, then,” I said. “I’ll, you know, go out with him if he wants. He’s hot enough and even just nice enough for that. But I’m not going to be jumping headfirst into his wacky elven subculture any more, and I’m not going to be committing to anything more than just going out.”
“Is that all that different from what you told him before?” she asked.
“Yeah, but this time it’s going to be reciprocal,” I said. “I don’t want him treating me as his mount, or as someone to be wooed and won into being his mount. He can treat me like a guy he’s interested in, or he can go find someone else.”
“You’re assuming that he knows another way to treat a guy he’s interested in,” Marlot said. “I don’t know if that’s unreasonably charitable or unreasonably demanding.”
“I’m not assuming anything,” I said. “I’ll be charitable with him. If he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing, he can take his time and figure it out. It’s not like I’ve ever dated a guy before.”
“Interesting way that you qualify that statement,” she said.
“Hey, I dated a girl,” I said. “Briefly. Hell, my relationship with Barley probably—”
“You don’t have a relationship with Barley,” Marlot said.
“I’m a friend to her,” I said. “She knows she can sleep in my room if she needs to. That’s a relationship.”
“She’s a nymph,” Marlot said. “Where couldn’t she sleep, if she wanted to?”
“Why are you so down on her?”
“I’m not down on her,” she said. “I just don’t want to see you hurting yourself over her.”
“How exactly would I do that?”
“By expecting more from her than she’s going to give you,” Marlot said. “Or by thinking she’s already given it to you. I’d let Jay crash in my room if I had a single, but it doesn’t mean we’re soulmates.”
“Even though you’re dating Bobby?”
“Of course,” Marlot said. “‘Crash’ doesn’t imply anything but unconsciousness.”
“Yeah, but, don’t you think Bobby might mind?”
“He might mind, but I don’t,” Marlot said. “And since it’s my room? My decision.”
“You don’t think he’d be justified in being upset if his girlfriend had a satyr in her room?” I asked.
“I think I’m in a better position than anyone else to know if he’d be justified or not in thinking that I was having sex with somebody,” Marlot said.
“Yeah, but he’s kind of got to worry about it.”
“No, he doesn’t,” Marlot said. “I don’t mind if he chooses to worry about it. I do mind if he tries to make it my worry. Anyway, if Iason takes you up on your ‘going steady’ plan, are you going to start shutting the door on Barley?”
“It wouldn’t matter if I did,” I said. “Violet lets her in. Anyway, our relationship isn’t like that.”
“Yeah, well, my relationship isn’t like ‘that’, either,” Marlot said. “It might look more like ‘that’ from where you’re standing, but the fact that I am a lady who is dating one gentleman doesn’t mean I give up the right to define my relationship for myself.”
“And what about Bobby? Doesn’t he get a say?”
“Your sudden concern for his interests is, well, sudden,” Marlot said. “Also, unconvincing.”
“That’s because it’s concern for you,” I said. “I don’t want you getting hurt, either.”
“Yeah, that’s what you don’t want me getting,” she said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re a smart boy,” she said. “You’ll—”
There was a knock on the doorframe at the same time that the door swung inward. Bobby stepped into the room.
“Listen,” he said. “I don’t want to interrupt you guys while you’re having it—having a conversation, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m taking that Lonnie girl back to campus.”
“You’re leaving?” Marlot said.
“I’ll be back, babe,” he said. “I just don’t want to send her off alone. She seems okay, but I think someone should take her to a healer.”
“Does it have to be you?” Marlot asked him.
“Well, I’m not sending her off with some guy she doesn’t know,” Bobby said.
“So get a girl.”
“I don’t want to send anyone away from the party,” he said.
“It’s your party,” Marlot said.
“Yeah, and I’m trying to be a good host.”
“Hey, look, she came with me,” I said. “I’ll get her back.”
“You aren’t going to take the chance to tell her any more interesting little facts, are you?” Marlot asked.
“Actually, I think I am,” I said. “She deserves the whole story. And anyway, maybe a sincere apology will calm her down.”
“Or maybe she’ll kick your ass into next week,” Marlot said.
“Maybe,” I said. “But hey, I’ll take it. I should be taking my share of blame. We’re friends, Marlot. Not because either of us is pathetic and starved for options.”
“Awfully magnanimous, considering you set her on me,” she said.
“Well, you did start it,” I said. “The story, I mean. I’m not going to try to apportion blame for the clusterfuck that has been this evening.”
“So, okay,” Bobby said. I got the feeling that he understood little of what we were talking about. “You’re going, then? She’s waiting by the hay wagon.”
“Maybe wait until you’re back at campus and not bouncing around in the middle of the countryside alone with her before you tell her,” Marlot said.
“Hey, listen, I think you’re not giving her enough credit,” I said. “She went off tearing after you because she was already angry and I kind of gave her a shove. I think if I sit down and tell her exactly what the situation was and what we did, and that I know it was fucked up, I think my honesty will count for something.”
Next: Honesty counts for nothing.
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