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…or, If The Bra Fits

It seemed Callahan had decided that today was going to be a “stretch before fighting” kind of a day. We warmed up as a class before breaking into the two groups. Our group was just getting down to business when Steff came back with Mack in tow.

I would have been surprised to see the demon girl get sent off to the newbie section, if I hadn’t seen her go down from a single suckerpunch. It would be interesting to see how long she stayed there, when she was facing unprepared freshmen and not a deceptively compact urban barbarian. It sounded like she was already getting into it with some of them the moment she joined her group.

It might have been interesting to watch, but I didn’t want to get caught slacking. I’d taken my leg-breaking like a man, but one broken limb per semester was my limit.

“Today we’re going to talk about stance,” Callahan said. “I watch you guys and you all know how to handle your weapons, but only a few of you know how to handle yourselves. Yeah, giggle at that,” she said to a sandy-haired girl. “You’re one of the ones I’m talking about.”

Steff slipped into the line right beside me.

“Hey,” he whispered. “Still trying to…”

“Johnson, either you shut your cockhole or I’m going to bend those little knives into staples and do it for you,” Callahan said. “You think I don’t know an elven whisper when I hear one?”

“Technically, my mouth was closed when I said that,” Steff said.

“Just for that, I’m not using you as practice dummy today,” Callahan said. “Stance. Come on up here, Giggles.”

She made the blonde come up and started putting her in different poses, then showed why each of them was wrong. She was just getting started when Dobbs came stomping over to consult about something.

“Hey,” Steff said again, now that she was distracted. “Still trying to convince people you’re an elf?”

“What?” I asked.

He turned his head and ran the tip of one long, slender finger along the bottom curve of his ear.

“Oh, right,” I said, reaching up and feeling the piercings. “They were actually my boyfriend’s idea.”

“Well, don’t you work fast,” Steff said.

“What?”

“Last week, you wanted to know if I knew this elven guy, right?” Steff said. “And now you’re wearing his bling. That’s quite the, uh, hustle you’ve got there.”

“Hey, fuck you,” I said.

“I’d love to, but I think I’m on babysitting duty after class,” he said, jerking a thumb at Mack, who was now arguing with Callahan again.

“So, you know her?”

“Yeah,” he said. “She is such an idiot sometimes, I just want to scream, you know?” I nodded. I didn’t know the girl, but I could see where he was coming from. “I’m sorry I missed her getting decked, though. I would have loved to see that.”

“I thought she was going to tear Callahan’s head off,” I said.

“Her?” Steff said. “She is worthless in a fight. Okay, yeah, she’s strong, but she’s clueless about how to use it. She just kind of flails around. I mean, she fucked some ghouls up, but that was almost on accident.”

“Ghouls?” I asked.

“Yeah, they nest in the woods and wander around at night,” Steff said. “I hope I get a chance to spar with her, though… if anyone gets to stick a knife through her ribs, I want it to be me.”

He sounded giddy at the idea. It seemed Barley wasn’t the only person in Harlowe who saw through Mack’s innocent appeal. My opinion of Steff went up a notch.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“Oh, totally,” Steff said. “There’s something about her, you know? I’ve just wanted to choke the living fuck out of her almost since I met her.” He gave me a sly look. “Why are you so interested, anyway?”

I decided against mentioning Barley. However Steff felt about Mack, his talk of “babysitting duty” and his solicitous behavior made it clear he was part of the same Harlowe clique. He might dream of choking or stabbing her, but he had to tolerate her.

“She’s interesting,” I said. “Demon girl at a human school. Makes me curious.”

That was the end of the conversation, as Callahan turned her attention back to us. She was a lot more hands-on and specific than she had been the previous two days.

When we finished, I watched Steff heading off into the woods with Mack while I fished out a cigarette. One look at his face was enough to crush that little bit of respect. He’d dish on her when her back was turned but then turned around and kissed her ass? Iason was at least an asshole to people’s faces.

“Hey, Princess!” Callahan yelled. It took me a second to realize she was talking to me. “You light that fucking thing in my classroom and I’ll make you eat the pack.”

“Sorry,” I said. I didn’t argue the point about being in a classroom. I remembered her demonstration from the first day. “I just got it out.”

“You know what we called those things in the war?” she asked, bounding up to me, the segments of her leather skirt flapping everywhere.

“What?” I asked. I had a pretty good idea where she was going.

“Elf cocks,” she said. Yep. “Because they’re thin and white. Well, the archers called them target lanterns.” She slapped me on the shoulder. “You did some okay work today. Keep it up and I’ll quit calling you Princess. Unless you get to like it.”

There was no doubt about it; Callahan was insane.

“Was that all?” I asked. Class was over, but I didn’t feel like turning my back on her unexpectedly.

“Just one more thing. If you let Johnson fuck you, I’m out ten silver,” she said. “I don’t want to be out ten silver.”

“Uh, that’s not going to happen.”

“Good,” she said. “Keep your back to the wall all semester and I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Great,” I said. “See you Thursday.”

I waited to make sure she wasn’t going to throw anything else out, then turned and started to leave.

“You know, I heard from one of the other coaches about an elven skirmisher who was bragging about taking his new cockwarmer into the deep woods yesterday,” Callahan said. I froze. Iason had a big mouth, but what did this matter to her?

“Yeah?” I said. Seemed safer than “So?” or “What’s it to you?”

“You’ve got potential, Princess, but do you know what ‘potential’ means?”

I did, but I didn’t know where she was going.

“It’s Draconian for ‘not ready yet’,” she said. “There’s some messed-up shit growing in those woods. Usually when nature takes that many left turns in a row, it’s a warning sign. It’s why wasps buzz and rattlesnakes rattle. When you stumble into a nest of them, it’s nobody’s fault but your own.”

“What exactly are you saying?” I asked. Her warning was clear, but I wanted to know if there was anything specific she knew about.

“Be a splooge sponge on campus,” she said. “Let the woods take care of themselves.”

“I’ll take that under advisement,” I said.

“No you won’t,” she said. “Because you’re young and stupid and way too flattered by attention.”

She turned and went to join Dobbs in packing up the equipment, leaving me with my unlit cigarette.

Flattered by attention? Callahan knew her job, but she didn’t know me. She’d heard about Iason’s bragging and she’d put two and two together with my new earrings. Okay. She was perceptive, but that didn’t mean she had a lot of wisdom.

I liked Iason. I liked him and that was it. If I was just after attention, I could have told him to fuck off when we got to Treehome and the boys came running.

Back at Pelinor, I went to my room instead of heading to Marlot’s. Making her walk over to my side wouldn’t be my first choice, but I’d give Missy her space for a little while longer. My room was empty, but I could hear laughter from Violet’s room.

The doorknob jiggled as I approached, and then it turned and the door opened inward. Invisible force prodded me forward. I stepped inside, then aside out of the way of the closing door. Barley and Violet were sitting on Violet’s bed. I thought Violet was completely naked, but she was wearing sweatpants. Her breasts hung free over a tummy that was just a little softer and rounder than I’d pictured. Barley was wearing what I assumed was Violet’s bra.

“Hello, James!” Barley said.

“Hello, James!” Violet repeated, then laughed.

The room was dim. Layers of gauzy curtains blocked the window, and the only artificial light that was on was a table lamp which had a shirt draped over it. The place smelled like Violet’s cigarettes, as well. There were three brown glass bottles on the nightstand at the end of the bed. Tipsy, if not drunk, plus loopy from whatever was in Violet’s blend. I hoped that Violet had done most of the imbibing. Barley struck me as a lightweight.

“Uh, you guys having fun?” I asked.

“Just having a little girl time,” Barley said.

“We weren’t having sex,” Violet said. “Since that’s what you’re thinking. We were going to paint her toenails, but it didn’t stick very well.”

“That required taking your shirt off?” I asked.

“Taking my shirt off required taking my shirt off,” she said. She held out her hand and a bottle of polish floated into it. “We should do you. This color would taste incredible on you.”

“Colors don’t have any taste,” I said.

“No? Then why do they dye mint stuff green?” Violet asked.

“Because mint is green.”

“Mint leaves are green but mint flavor isn’t,” she said. “They might as well dye vanilla shit brown. Who decided vanilla’s going to be white but mint’s got to be green? Green or red. Does that make any sense?”

“No,” I said, and I meant it. I didn’t understand what she was going on about. I got that whatever vanilla came from was probably brown, but I didn’t see what it had to do with anything.

“Oh, shut up,” Violet said.

“What’d he say?” Barley asked.

“So, where’s your roommate?” I asked. Drinking and smoking in the dorms early Tuesday evening seemed a bit imprudent. Looking around the room wasn’t likely to produce Beth—or Temperance, or whoever her roommate was—but it gave me an excuse not to look at her.

“Went into town,” Violet said. “For fuck’s sake, go ahead and stare, James,” she said, framing her boobs with her hands. “I don’t care. This isn’t me you’re looking at anyway.”

“Who is it, then?” I asked.

“Nobody,” she said. “Anybody. Any body. A body is a body is a body is a body. It’s what’s behind it that matters.”

“Yeah, uh, I’m going to be getting some dinner soon,” I said.

“You going to kill a cow?” Violet asked.

“Not personally,” I said. “Not unless one gives me trouble. Do you two want to get dressed and join me?”

“I’m not killing any cows,” Barley said.

“They have salads.”

“Not real salads,” Violet said. “The lettuce is probably dyed green.”

“Lettuce is green,” I said.

“Real lettuce is,” she said. She shook her head. “I bought a meal plan because they said I had to, but that doesn’t mean I have to use it.”

“Okay, whatever,” I said. “Do you want to pack your stuff up and come with us?”

“Us?” Barley asked.

“My friend Marlot,” I said.

“Oh,” Barley said.

“She’s nice,” I said.

“I don’t think I want to go over to the union,” Barley said. Her eyes were big and bright. “That’s their turf. I’m trying to lie low.”

“Wear my bra,” Violet said. “It’ll be a disguise.”

“You shouldn’t let yourself be intimidated,” I told Barley. “You pay tuition. You pay the fees. The union is yours as much as it’s anybody’s.”

“Yeah!” Violet said. “Fuck them. I say we do it, just for that.”

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll go find Marlot and tell her the plan. You guys need some time to, uh, get stuff together?”

“I’m fine right now,” Violet said. She rocked forward and slid off the bed, then threw out her hands for balance. “Um, maybe half an hour?”

“Sure,” I said.

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